Life From God Is On Lease

Sometimes I’m scared thinking I will be left alone with a bottle of whiskey and money in the bank,
Thinking about the times when people tried to contact but I never could get connect,
I was just working alone learning from my failures.
I am just trying to find peace but realized this life is taken from God on lease.
I can’t be in debt,
I can’t be at low,
I can’t be mediocre,
I can’t drop my stake so low.
The only low in my life would be in front of the God when I take a bow.

I know I did a lot of mistakes,
I know I stay mix match,
Felt I’ve been mislead,
Life full of moments that’s stitched to me like thread.
Pull one out, everything falls apart,
I don’t wanna be another 9-1-1,
I always wanted to be someone’s,
But realized was I ever my own?
Put me into thoughts,
Running behind these thots,
Befriending all these bots,
They taking shots and I’m just drowning in shots.
I got caught up in between,
In between my pride and my ego,
In between all these lies and truth I wanted to stay away,
In between my happiness and their happiness,
In between who I was becoming and who I am suppose to be?
I was losing the battle thinking I won the war,
I was stuck in between thinking I came so far.
Inside I was a mess after a fucking WAR.

Been telling myself lie, telling I’ll do it great,
But deep inside I was scared doubting my faith,
Searched for love in places where there was no light,
Caught up in darkness, gave me comfort as I saw no sadness,
My fears building walls around told me we are keeping you safe and I agreed,
Fed me enough to exist in life but never taught me to fight to survive, but I kept saying everything’s alright.
My room became my Disney land,
My room became my pad,
My room became my safe space,
I was losing my state.
I was losing my grip,
Smoked up to feel back on the right trip,
Life turned into a dark skit.

Too many emotions got trapped in the bottle,
But it’s fucking see through and it cracked little bit, it seeped through,
The walls became a mansion and I never left while fears kept building, I felt okay very soon.
And these emotion wrapped me up like a cocoon,
Life felt too cold in summer
While words felt too hot in winter.
But tell you all I felt alone,
It was just me and my shadow each other We belong,
But when darkness came he was never to be seen again,
I was left all alone again searching for a dock while my fears were chasing me down like dogs,

I’m lost in my thoughts who I used to be,
Met people from the past again thinking they would have changed but,
A lot of them so back, just realized put them in #THROWBACK,
Life ain’t going back,
Cleaning up my backpack,
Sat for too long in the back.
A notepad and pen is all I need to create a heat and make it a hit, blow the roof of the stage and your mind like grenade strap to your head,
I ain’t no more feeling sad,
It’s good to be scared with the reality then calm down with a lie,
So many of you gonna die,
So many of you fucking still lie,
So many of you still don’t wanna try,
I don’t give a fuck much what I write,
Stepping up my game,
Painting pictures with words to put it in a frame,
Sometimes I’m scared thinking I will be left alone and run out of sheets to pen down my emotions and money in the bank that I will not give a fuck much where I will spend.
Goddamn! Life’s a property taken from God on lease..